Let’s pull a Frankenstein

Good God! A post after a year of neglect.

Kudos to Mr Wilhelm.

I guess I’ll start posting again. It might feel good to vent about a few things going on lately.

I’ll be back.

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

I wonder if DapperChaps can have a KickStarter for our triumphant return. Please support our blog and help us reach our goal of 2 billion bit coins. Baked goods are valid as well.

Dicking around ’til the day I die.

THE WOLF AMONG US has sort of a rad soundtrack.

I am in love with Telltale’s The Wolf Among Us. I really wish an official soundtrack would come out so I can surrender more of my money to those guys.

In the meantime, enjoy the kickass neon-noir synth opening theme that pretty much speaks for the game’s incredible sense of style better than I could.

Also, maximize you brooding with the theme to Bigby’s Wolf’s apartment, if you need some ambient tunes to your hardboiled Fable detective lifestyle.

(P.S. Go play this game.)

Remembering the past

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I made the mistake of looking through old Facebook messages between me and my ex tonight. They’re almost a year old so congrats to me for this strange, nostalgic anniversary. But I’m not necessarily complaining. Looking back to how we first met at a party for Art majors, starting out as late night chat buddies because we couldn’t sleep, leading up to sharing various personality quirks, favorite bands, favorite ways to hide the body cooking recipes, until I invited her to my friend’s party on the 6th floor of an apartment building that we had no business drinking and dancing in. It led to us dating, dinner, SSBB and SoulCalibur IV.

I was happy. She was happy too. Or at least I sincerely hope she was, there’s only so much charm I can pretend to have.

Remember that post half a year ago? Of course you do, because why would you be reading this post if you weren’t one of our devoted 14 followers? (Okay, maybe you’re here for the pictures of various beautiful women we have here, you weirdos) I wrote that I didn’t know what would happen between us at that point, whether or not I would call her, ignore her, forget about her or miss her.

Well I did eventually contact her. I tried to work things out. Things seemed to be okay, cordial, happy. And then shit goes sideways and things just did not work out, either by some otherworldly design, her disinterest, or my unnatural talent for self-sabotage. There are so many holes that I’m willing to dig for myself and this hole I’ve been working on for almost a year is now 3 miles wide and 30 miles deep.

A friend of mine told me that I love to live in the misery, and that my best work is done when the world is against me. There might be some truth to that.

So now I’m listless, lackadaisical, apathetic, sad and generally bummed out. Most say for me to move on but I just don’t fucking want to! That shit takes time and a serious amount moral fiber which I clearly fucking lack and despite everything I still care about her!. So maybe I’m bummed out, or depressed, or seriously pussy-whipped but mostly I’m just bored. Without an incredible amount of work being shoved onto me, I lack a great amount of structure in my life so fuck this winter break. Give me back my stressful college life so I can go back to being busy, neurotic, and most importantly, FOCUSED.

There was no true meaning to this blog post. Granted, there was no true meaning for us to ever start this blog in the first place. We have things to say and we hoped there was an audience for us and who knows, maybe there is. All I know is this: This is my medium to vent, to share my frustrations with the world around me as I struggle in this fight for relevance and acknowledgement. So congratulations internet! You are witness to one of the few human moments out of MrMoonGoat, have a round of applause.

Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Tonight was just one of those nights…

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

Best of 2012: Music

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Despite what some people may think, 2012 was a great year for music, provided you looked in the right places. I’ll be listing my favorites here, as well as a standout song from each.

Best albums:

Killer Mike – R.A.P Music

Kendrick Lamar – good kid m.A.A.d city

Brother Ali – Mourning in America, Dreaming in Color

Nas – Life is Good

Big Boi – Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors

Robert Glasper – Black Radio

Homeboy Sandman – First of a Living Breed

El-P – Cancer 4 Cure

Minus the Bear – Infinity Overload

Songs:

I wasted a weekend afternoon putting together my (fairly) definitive list of the top 25 songs of 2012. I limited it to one song per artist and album. Of course, it’s limited to songs that are on Spotify, but that only led to two deserving songs not making the list.

ExSPEEDient

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Alright then, I have less than 24 hours until I’m back within city limits so I’m going to wait it out and talk about one of the two new games I got from my mother Santa this holiday season.

Need-for-Speed-Most-Wanted-4

Ooh!

Need for Speed Most Wanted (2012)4

 

Aah!

Let’s just start out by saying that I used to live on Burnout 3 Takedown, Criterion Games’ glorious magnum opus that was straight balls-to-the-wall action and one of my favorite racers of all-time. So, after seeing what Criterion have done with the Need For Speed franchise in the form of the Hot Pursuit remake, I was ready to invest numerous hours that should be reserved for sleep, nourishment and sex reading in the latest installment for NFS, Most Wanted.

Wait.

Didn’t that come out in 2005? Yes it did. I remember playing that as well during my adolescence and while I never played Underground or Underground 2 (oooooh hate me if you must), the original Most Wanted was still very enjoyable and one of my personal favorites in the series. So, has Criterion pulled a Frankenstein and got the monster to breathe again?

AND THE ANSWER IS: I ‘unno, I guess, sort of.

You see, Burnout and Need For Speed originally had very different levels of pace. NFS was a lot more controlled with its racing and if you cocked up, it was usually your fault. In Burnout, shit was thrown at you like it was being shot out of a fucking repeater cannon. I had to tape my damn eyes open in order to give the amount of focus the game required and when that wasn’t enough I had to muster up the sheer willpower to activate my hidden powers of foresight in order to figure out when to turn or where traffic would be because there was no other fucking way to tell.

Hot Pursuit had a great balance between the two. Great sense of speed, the game world felt varied, the cars were numerous and handled well, and more importantly KEPT THE TRAFFIC TO A FUCKING MINIMUM! But now in Most Wanted you’re in a large urban city and fucking hell do the developers want you to know that, what with every race opening up with a surreal vignette, some with cars multiplying, rings of police cars, cars falling from the sky, and all manner of camera angles showcasing the city that Criterion has built from the ground up.

So now that you’re in a city, there’s tons of hairpin turns and numerous pedestrian cars out in the streets and I swear to fucking Hell EVERY corner of the city is out to ruin your day. I can’t take my eyes off the screen for a second otherwise some new asshole in a Prius is conjured from the fucking netherrealm right in front of me, but I HAVE to look at the map in order to figure out where I’m going because you have nothing to go by besides the checkpoints and even those can pull a fast one on you when they feel like being pricks, which is all the time.

The even bigger pricks are the ones who organized the police chases. I’m not against the cop part of Need for Speed, because they’ve always worked fine in the original Most Wanted and even Hot Pursuit, but that’s only because you had ways to fight back! Most Wanted had you flattening cruisers with giant donuts and Hot Pursuit is the closest thing to a realistic Mario Kart. But in this game, the only option is to drive faster and pray to whatever six-armed deities you know the names of. If this game were a person, this would be the conversation during a police chase.

Mr MoonGoat: Hey game, I’m being chased by the police because I drove too close to them while giving them the finger. What do I do?

NFS: Drive faster.

Mr MoonGoat: Okay I’m driving faster and they’re still behind me. What now?

NFS: Drive into the city. Make some turns.

Mr MoonGoat: Okay I’ve done that. Now I’ve broken their line of sight. Now what do I do?

NFS: Drive faster.

Mr MoonGoat: Why can’t I just hide somewhere.

NFS: No. There’s nowhere to hide. Drive faster.

Mr MoonGoat: Hey I’ve changed my car and I’ve even gone through a shop to change my car’s color. Shouldn’t the chase be over?

NFS: No, keep driving.

Mr MoonGoat: But every time I keep going, you make a cop car appear right in front of me to continue the pursuit.

NFS. Yeah.

Mr MoonGoat: Well why can’t you give me some ways to take them out? Like, a weapon system or something else besides running into them?

NFS: No.

Mr MoonGoat: Well this is just getting monotonous and boring. And I’ve crashed 14 times since this chase started, and I don’t want to have to race every time I want to unlock nitrous for my new cars, and I don’t know why I’m locked in this weird timeloop where I download your multiplayer update and it doesn’t go through so it asks me the same fucking question every time I start up the game and why are your eyes melting and why is your back arching in that horrible way?

NFS: AAAAAAAAAhhhahahHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAA

I don’t know what to do, there’s so many weird design choices that Criterion put in this game that I just feel like they missed the mark. The big thing that keeps me playing this game though is that when this game kicks ass, it seriously kicks ass. So much ass. It’s that crazy Burnout Evil Kneivel feeling where you’re the fastest thing alive and you just don’t give a fuck about anything else besides reaching that finish line first. And it’s comforting to see them maintain the essence of their previous masterpieces.

So, Need For Speed Most Wanted gets a tentative recommendation. It’s a game that requires your full attention and your patience as well. If you loved Burnout like I did, you can still have fun with this one.

Sincerely,

Mr. MoonGoat

There’s an electric hotrod in this game. If it’s at night and I have a motor that doesn’t make a sound and a black paint job, HOW THE FUCK DO THE COPS STILL SEE ME!?

That’s one down, another to go? Can you guess what it is? Of course you can.

 

Ho-Ho-I forgot how the rest goes

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Deck the halls with shots of vodka!

Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-fuck-off!

I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to this upcoming week. It’s not because I’m the latest earthly manifestation of Ebenezer Scrooge (although that would make a lot of sense) and I’m not even against the idea of “family quality time”, even though the first thing my sister said to me when I walked in the house was “Have you bought Christmas presents yet?” which resulted in me having to tell her that because I’m a poor hapless art student who puts every dime in his pocket towards bills, supplies, rent and other useless shit I haven’t been able to afford any Christmas goodies and then she gives me this look like I’m being selfish. I’d be ashamed if it weren’t coming from someone who’s filled those hole-filled shoes more than once in the past. No, I haven’t been looking forward to this week because I don’t really have a home here besides my adopted city of Richmond, so whenever I’m forced to leave my cave I feel out of place. My dad lives in Alexandria and he’s made no attempts to connect with this apartment, so much so that he still has stuff in boxes. On the flipside, my mother lives in Warrenton in the middle of fucking nowhere. it’s like a museum there, it’s very cold, very clean, I’m not allowed to touch anything, and they have metal detectors. So fuck it, I’m gonna sit here and ignore all this and talk about the games that I’ve brought with me to occupy my time. Some old, some new-ish, maybe some more on the way.

prince of persia

ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckSTAYCALMDONTFAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!

Prince of Persia 2008: I just picked this one up from a Gamestop in Springfield for 3 dollars. Worth a shot, I suppose. That shot missed. Don’t like the characters, definitely don’t like the combat, and I just can’t get used to the platforming controls, which baffles me because The Two Thrones had such a great parkour control system and Assassin’s Creed seems to have perfected the formula. I guess PoP it’s going back into bad habits, so I don’t know how long I’ll last with this one.

Keep your hands off my video game protagonists, Nolan North.

Fable III: I finally decided to finish my file in this game, even though I’ve done it before on a different console in a different house in a different country in a different continent and…well let’s just say I’ve never beaten this game. If you haven’t played this game yet, let me save you the trouble. The game’s second half is a joke. Once you’ve become King or Queen, the gameplay just piddles around for about an hour before dropping you abruptly in some supposedly epic but not really final battle against a spooky boogieman and his pet shadows.FableIIIThanks Twilight. Thanks a lot.

In the end, Fable III just wasn’t worth my time or money. Now I’m just stuck killing NPCs and even that’s beginning to get dull because once you’re a monarch, the authorities don’t send guards after you when you’ve done something wrong like murder an entire village and flip off all the orphans. They just give you a stern look and a pathetic comeback along the lines of “You better not do that again, or so help me I’ll send a complaint to the Ki…oh, yeah.” So back off Lionhead Studios and leave game developing to actual game developers. Also, fix your damn maps!

Is Stephen Fry the UK’s equivalent of Nolan North in terms of voice-acting? Because I’m annoyed with both of them now.

Mark of the Ninja: This was strangely satisfying for the 600 Microsoft Points it cost. A well-rounded, equally-balanced and shamelessly fun stealth game about a ninja getting revenge for…well I can’t really be bothered to pay attention to the plot. The real gripe I has with it is that the art direction in the cutscenes is just really out of place. It’s the same issue many people had with Mirror’s Edge in that the exposition and the gameplay just don’t seem to be for the same game, and that’s a big no-no. Also, the developers Klei Entertainment are Canadian and jeez does that show through in the dialogue (since when do Asians have Canadian accents?) Regardless, I recommend Mark of the Ninja. Happy stabbing.

markoftheninja

Eem aboot to keel you with muh ninjeh surd!

Pokemon Black 2: Chewed through the main storyline, now I’m focusing on the metagame. I’m annoyed with the fact that the game had to make me beat the Elite Four (No easy task considering the fire pig was the worst starter ever) before giving me access to the Day Care so I could homegrow my own little badasses. But I digress, I’m still addicted to this and will continue to play it through the holidays, or is that too depressing a thought?

Black2

“I’m about to unleash my rage!” Yeah, take a shot every time that kid says those exact words.

League of Legends: Up to Summoner Level 9, and I seemed to have found solace in my first IP bought champion, Jax.

jax

Though my last game I was told that I play like rubbish. It’s true, I’m guaranteed to die more than any two players combined in most matches. This might take awhile to get used to.

“MrMoonGoat is Legen…wait for it…DARY!!” Said no LoL game announcer ever.

I still have my copies of NFS Hot Pursuit, Mass Effect 3, Resident Evil 5, Fallout 3 and Skyrim to mess around with, but that’ll be for another time. And hopefully I’ll get Halo 4, Most Wanted and ACIII for Xmas as well. It’ll be a good week for gaming indeed.

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

Not even a zombie attack or a threat of nuclear war. Worst apocalypse ever.

On the moon, our Christmas is on July 21st, and we celebrate the coming of Neil Armstrong instead.

You Got LoL’d!

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Dammit.

My roommates are obsessed with League of Legends, or LoL for short. For the longest time I’ve avoided the game because in my mind it’s in the same tier as World of Warcraft for being completely, psychotically EVIL. They spend countless hours playing the damn thing and almost all of their topics of conversations involve it in some way, shape or form, be it strategy, Champions, proudest moments, professional teams and themed birthday parties.

It never was my cup of tea because I’m not savvy with real-time strategy games or free-to-play games, especially the latter because any game developer who says its game is “free to play” is an evil cult run by liars that have fused to their office chairs. However, from a purely aesthetic viewpoint, I did dig the character design for some of these characters, which Riot Games gleefully expected and created Art Spotlight videos for every new character they release.

Another reason I didn’t want to play it is because I DAMN WELL COULDN’T. I’m a proud MacBook owner and LoL is PC exclusive, talk about dodging a fucking cannonball to the face! It’s not that I think Macs are better, I just don’t like PCs and I would never ever consider buying one unless it dispensed Skittles every day and the keyboard ghostwrote suave, sophisticated soliloquies and sonnets that I could send to all my lovely lady-friends on FB Chat with guaranteed results. Don’t think I’d use it, but it’d be a bonus!

But alas, I couldn’t avoid the inevitable. My roommates alerted me to the existence of a Mac-exclusive program labeled iLoL (ha ha fucking ha) so I finally decided to tentatively dip my toes in the deep, possibly scurvy-ridden waters that is the LoL metagame. Hey, “know thy enemy”, right? Guess that doesn’t apply, more like “know thy classmate who sits at the back and has odor issues and a lack of self-confidence”.

Thankfully, I bathe and I can talk to women without the need of a wingman (A quick message to guys, it doesn’t take two men to talk to a woman) so I am proud to say that I tried the game and my mind and self-esteem is still intact after the fact.

It’s simple enough. You are a monster leading monsters to fight monsters and destroy their base. it’s essentially Capture the Flag if the flag had to be obliterated and you’re a werewolf or a manly man of Men or even a fucking tree (no, really). I’ll even admit that it’s fun. I’m gonna play it again after writing this post and probably well into the winter break because I won’t get anything new to play until the 25th. BUT!!!…Go into it with caution.

I haven’t tried out Player vs Player and from what I’ve seen on my roommate’s computer screens it can be pretty fucking brutal. Even the bots give me trouble because I’m not used to letting imps do my dirty work and come in for the final blow instead of going hung-ho into the heat of the battle, because in this game if you do that you’ll last as long as a Twinkie in an eBay auction. Not to mention that on top of my obsession with Pokemon, my classes and projects and my social life, LoL is the absolute last thing that I need right now. If you have a cornucopias amount of free-time and have a PC, or even a Mac it seems, and a desire to see a gigantic bugzilla fight sexy ladies, then by all means check it out.

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

Summoner’s name is MrMoonGoat. Feel free to log on and kick my ass, because you’re a redneck at heart who goes rabbit-hunting with a fucking cannon.

…okay, that crocodile-man is pretty rad, too.

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