For my first post…EVER, I’d like to address an issue that really shouldn’t be an issue at all. I’m a college student and I drink and I like to go to parties so as soon as I got my own place off campus with a few other manchildren, we too started throwing parties. Ten parties so far. Hugely successful. No police interference. Only one case of sexual crassness (It was me and a conch shell. Fill in the visual blanks yourself.) But afterwards, many of my friends kept on asking me how I do it . How have I and the the other manchildren found moderate underground soiree success?

First, don’t be a twat. People hate twats. In a personality contest, twats take 256th place in terms of popularity. Surprisingly enough, that’s not last place. The coveted 257th place, aptly named the “Wooden Vibrator” award, is taken by Runescape players. We throw good parties because we’re cheeky, fun, we enjoy everyone’s company and we keep our twat levels to a low setting until the morning when we deal with the aftermath.

Second, supply the drinks. Partygoers are devout Christians, your house is the church, alcohol is God and you’re the Pope. BYOB is a fallback and should always be seen as such.

Third, our house is a stone’s throw away from the Music Center on campus, meaning anyone can make it. If you live 20 minutes away from the nearest 7-Eleven, you will be in a brief dilemma.

I’m sure there are other tips and tricks I could add, but I don’t want to. The rest is filled out by the people you invite. They make the real party.

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

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