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As I lay in bed, taking heavy doses of medication to combat my case of swimmer’s ear (a cruelly ironic ailment, considering that I can’t and don’t swim), I decided to marathon episodes of The League, one of my new favorite comedies. At one point in season three, a (very attractive) guest character was introduced that gave me an immediate sense of “where have I seen that girl before?” As it turns out, she was in 21 Jump Street (which she was super charming in) and Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, both of which I loved. Also, she’s very attractive. The combination of her good looks and me being stuck laying on my side for the foreseeable future led to a sort of mental exercise. I, perhaps due to my sports-driven natural predisposition to ranking things, needed to compare her to the other famous women that I have a thing for. And so the 100% Official Celebrity Crush Power Rankings were born. Given the subject, I think I did a pretty good job not sounding perverted or obsessive. Again, while reading the list, we should all assume that my opinion matters. Anyway here goes, in reverse order:

10. Brie Larson

Despite being the inspiration for this post, she takes the lowest spot in the rankings, for now. She gets bonus points for being quirky/charming though.

9. Oona Chaplin

Most people know her from playing Talisa in Game of Thrones, which reminds me that I’ve been on page 17 of the first book for about 2 months now. To my complete surprise, she’s Charlie Chaplin’s granddaughter. Odd.

8. Selah Sue

Obviously, bonus points for being able to sing.

Selah Sue’s artist bio is about as random as they get. She’s from the Flemish-speaking part of Belgium and she sings reggae-infused neo-blues/soul in English. The result is really unique and, let’s face it, she has really wicked hair. She’ll probably pop up in one of my music posts at some point.

7. Mila Kunis

Obviously, I was far from the only one surprised to find out that she, of all people, was the voice behind Family Guy’s ugly duckling outcast child Meg.

6. Kerry Washington

You can’t hate on Kelly Washington. You just can’t.

5. Emma Stone

She’s in pretty much every movie that’s coming out these days, and for good reason. Certainly doesn’t hurt that she can actually act either.

4. Scarlett Johanssen

I don’t even have anything interesting to say about that. Just let it speak for itself.

3. Emilia Clarke

Another actress that plays a strong, female character on Game of Thrones (those HBO casting directors sure do find some fine women). If it weren’t nearly 3:00 in the morning, I’d probably post a full page of Emilia Clarke pics. Unfortunately, you’ll have to settle for two.

2. Beyonce

This video came out when I was 15 and it was the best thing ever.

It still is.

1. Alicia Keys

Mixed girls are the best.

Unfortunately, she’s married to Swizz Beatz, a.k.a the guy that hops on songs by really good rappers and yells all over their choruses. In addition to topping this list, Alicia doubles as my favorite singer and is the first person I saw in concert.

And so concludes the most pointless post in the short history of this blog. Glad we got this out of the way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch that Beyonce/Shakira video until I pass out.