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Dammit.

My roommates are obsessed with League of Legends, or LoL for short. For the longest time I’ve avoided the game because in my mind it’s in the same tier as World of Warcraft for being completely, psychotically EVIL. They spend countless hours playing the damn thing and almost all of their topics of conversations involve it in some way, shape or form, be it strategy, Champions, proudest moments, professional teams and themed birthday parties.

It never was my cup of tea because I’m not savvy with real-time strategy games or free-to-play games, especially the latter because any game developer who says its game is “free to play” is an evil cult run by liars that have fused to their office chairs. However, from a purely aesthetic viewpoint, I did dig the character design for some of these characters, which Riot Games gleefully expected and created Art Spotlight videos for every new character they release.

Another reason I didn’t want to play it is because I DAMN WELL COULDN’T. I’m a proud MacBook owner and LoL is PC exclusive, talk about dodging a fucking cannonball to the face! It’s not that I think Macs are better, I just don’t like PCs and I would never ever consider buying one unless it dispensed Skittles every day and the keyboard ghostwrote suave, sophisticated soliloquies and sonnets that I could send to all my lovely lady-friends on FB Chat with guaranteed results. Don’t think I’d use it, but it’d be a bonus!

But alas, I couldn’t avoid the inevitable. My roommates alerted me to the existence of a Mac-exclusive program labeled iLoL (ha ha fucking ha) so I finally decided to tentatively dip my toes in the deep, possibly scurvy-ridden waters that is the LoL metagame. Hey, “know thy enemy”, right? Guess that doesn’t apply, more like “know thy classmate who sits at the back and has odor issues and a lack of self-confidence”.

Thankfully, I bathe and I can talk to women without the need of a wingman (A quick message to guys, it doesn’t take two men to talk to a woman) so I am proud to say that I tried the game and my mind and self-esteem is still intact after the fact.

It’s simple enough. You are a monster leading monsters to fight monsters and destroy their base. it’s essentially Capture the Flag if the flag had to be obliterated and you’re a werewolf or a manly man of Men or even a fucking tree (no, really). I’ll even admit that it’s fun. I’m gonna play it again after writing this post and probably well into the winter break because I won’t get anything new to play until the 25th. BUT!!!…Go into it with caution.

I haven’t tried out Player vs Player and from what I’ve seen on my roommate’s computer screens it can be pretty fucking brutal. Even the bots give me trouble because I’m not used to letting imps do my dirty work and come in for the final blow instead of going hung-ho into the heat of the battle, because in this game if you do that you’ll last as long as a Twinkie in an eBay auction. Not to mention that on top of my obsession with Pokemon, my classes and projects and my social life, LoL is the absolute last thing that I need right now. If you have a cornucopias amount of free-time and have a PC, or even a Mac it seems, and a desire to see a gigantic bugzilla fight sexy ladies, then by all means check it out.

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

Summoner’s name is MrMoonGoat. Feel free to log on and kick my ass, because you’re a redneck at heart who goes rabbit-hunting with a fucking cannon.

…okay, that crocodile-man is pretty rad, too.

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