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Deck the halls with shots of vodka!

Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-fuck-off!

I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to this upcoming week. It’s not because I’m the latest earthly manifestation of Ebenezer Scrooge (although that would make a lot of sense) and I’m not even against the idea of “family quality time”, even though the first thing my sister said to me when I walked in the house was “Have you bought Christmas presents yet?” which resulted in me having to tell her that because I’m a poor hapless art student who puts every dime in his pocket towards bills, supplies, rent and other useless shit I haven’t been able to afford any Christmas goodies and then she gives me this look like I’m being selfish. I’d be ashamed if it weren’t coming from someone who’s filled those hole-filled shoes more than once in the past. No, I haven’t been looking forward to this week because I don’t really have a home here besides my adopted city of Richmond, so whenever I’m forced to leave my cave I feel out of place. My dad lives in Alexandria and he’s made no attempts to connect with this apartment, so much so that he still has stuff in boxes. On the flipside, my mother lives in Warrenton in the middle of fucking nowhere. it’s like a museum there, it’s very cold, very clean, I’m not allowed to touch anything, and they have metal detectors. So fuck it, I’m gonna sit here and ignore all this and talk about the games that I’ve brought with me to occupy my time. Some old, some new-ish, maybe some more on the way.

prince of persia

ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckSTAYCALMDONTFAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!

Prince of Persia 2008: I just picked this one up from a Gamestop in Springfield for 3 dollars. Worth a shot, I suppose. That shot missed. Don’t like the characters, definitely don’t like the combat, and I just can’t get used to the platforming controls, which baffles me because The Two Thrones had such a great parkour control system and Assassin’s Creed seems to have perfected the formula. I guess PoP it’s going back into bad habits, so I don’t know how long I’ll last with this one.

Keep your hands off my video game protagonists, Nolan North.

Fable III: I finally decided to finish my file in this game, even though I’ve done it before on a different console in a different house in a different country in a different continent and…well let’s just say I’ve never beaten this game. If you haven’t played this game yet, let me save you the trouble. The game’s second half is a joke. Once you’ve become King or Queen, the gameplay just piddles around for about an hour before dropping you abruptly in some supposedly epic but not really final battle against a spooky boogieman and his pet shadows.FableIIIThanks Twilight. Thanks a lot.

In the end, Fable III just wasn’t worth my time or money. Now I’m just stuck killing NPCs and even that’s beginning to get dull because once you’re a monarch, the authorities don’t send guards after you when you’ve done something wrong like murder an entire village and flip off all the orphans. They just give you a stern look and a pathetic comeback along the lines of “You better not do that again, or so help me I’ll send a complaint to the Ki…oh, yeah.” So back off Lionhead Studios and leave game developing to actual game developers. Also, fix your damn maps!

Is Stephen Fry the UK’s equivalent of Nolan North in terms of voice-acting? Because I’m annoyed with both of them now.

Mark of the Ninja: This was strangely satisfying for the 600 Microsoft Points it cost. A well-rounded, equally-balanced and shamelessly fun stealth game about a ninja getting revenge for…well I can’t really be bothered to pay attention to the plot. The real gripe I has with it is that the art direction in the cutscenes is just really out of place. It’s the same issue many people had with Mirror’s Edge in that the exposition and the gameplay just don’t seem to be for the same game, and that’s a big no-no. Also, the developers Klei Entertainment are Canadian and jeez does that show through in the dialogue (since when do Asians have Canadian accents?) Regardless, I recommend Mark of the Ninja. Happy stabbing.

markoftheninja

Eem aboot to keel you with muh ninjeh surd!

Pokemon Black 2: Chewed through the main storyline, now I’m focusing on the metagame. I’m annoyed with the fact that the game had to make me beat the Elite Four (No easy task considering the fire pig was the worst starter ever) before giving me access to the Day Care so I could homegrow my own little badasses. But I digress, I’m still addicted to this and will continue to play it through the holidays, or is that too depressing a thought?

Black2

“I’m about to unleash my rage!” Yeah, take a shot every time that kid says those exact words.

League of Legends: Up to Summoner Level 9, and I seemed to have found solace in my first IP bought champion, Jax.

jax

Though my last game I was told that I play like rubbish. It’s true, I’m guaranteed to die more than any two players combined in most matches. This might take awhile to get used to.

“MrMoonGoat is Legen…wait for it…DARY!!” Said no LoL game announcer ever.

I still have my copies of NFS Hot Pursuit, Mass Effect 3, Resident Evil 5, Fallout 3 and Skyrim to mess around with, but that’ll be for another time. And hopefully I’ll get Halo 4, Most Wanted and ACIII for Xmas as well. It’ll be a good week for gaming indeed.

Signed,

Mr. MoonGoat

Not even a zombie attack or a threat of nuclear war. Worst apocalypse ever.

On the moon, our Christmas is on July 21st, and we celebrate the coming of Neil Armstrong instead.

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