I made the mistake of looking through old Facebook messages between me and my ex tonight. They’re almost a year old so congrats to me for this strange, nostalgic anniversary. But I’m not necessarily complaining. Looking back to how we first met at a party for Art majors, starting out as late night chat buddies because we couldn’t sleep, leading up to sharing various personality quirks, favorite bands,
favorite ways to hide the body cooking recipes, until I invited her to my friend’s party on the 6th floor of an apartment building that we had no business drinking and dancing in. It led to us dating, dinner, SSBB and SoulCalibur IV.
I was happy. She was happy too. Or at least I sincerely hope she was, there’s only so much charm I can pretend to have.
Remember that post half a year ago? Of course you do, because why would you be reading this post if you weren’t one of our devoted 14 followers? (Okay, maybe you’re here for the pictures of various beautiful women we have here, you weirdos) I wrote that I didn’t know what would happen between us at that point, whether or not I would call her, ignore her, forget about her or miss her.
Well I did eventually contact her. I tried to work things out. Things seemed to be okay, cordial, happy. And then shit goes sideways and things just did not work out, either by some otherworldly design, her disinterest, or my unnatural talent for self-sabotage. There are so many holes that I’m willing to dig for myself and this hole I’ve been working on for almost a year is now 3 miles wide and 30 miles deep.
A friend of mine told me that I love to live in the misery, and that my best work is done when the world is against me. There might be some truth to that.
So now I’m listless, lackadaisical, apathetic, sad and generally bummed out. Most say for me to move on but I just don’t fucking want to! That shit takes time and a serious amount moral fiber which I clearly fucking lack and despite everything I still care about her!. So maybe I’m bummed out, or depressed, or seriously pussy-whipped but mostly I’m just bored. Without an incredible amount of work being shoved onto me, I lack a great amount of structure in my life so fuck this winter break. Give me back my stressful college life so I can go back to being busy, neurotic, and most importantly, FOCUSED.
There was no true meaning to this blog post. Granted, there was no true meaning for us to ever start this blog in the first place. We have things to say and we hoped there was an audience for us and who knows, maybe there is. All I know is this: This is my medium to vent, to share my frustrations with the world around me as I struggle in this fight for relevance and acknowledgement. So congratulations internet! You are witness to one of the few human moments out of MrMoonGoat, have a round of applause.
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Tonight was just one of those nights…