- Mr. MoonGoat
Mr. MoonGoat was found on Earth’s largest natural satellite, along the foothills of Mons Pico. He came to our planet to share his wisdom and seduce our women. He was supposedly born on May 11, 1992 and has taken up residence somewhere on the East Coast. He’s a starving artist whose vices include bruschetta and caramel. And now he’s been roped into writing a blog that he hopes will help him achieve Internet stardom, however long that lasts (5 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 23 minutes, 57 seconds).
Chris is an odd amalgam of various backgrounds and behaviors. He speaks with what seems to be a regional accent from a non-specific location. City folks think he’s from a small town and country folks think he’s from the city, but in reality, he’s from nowhere in particular. A first-generation American and world traveler of sorts, he managed to live abroad for 9 years, where his foreign friends often told him that he’s pretty sharp.
For an American.
He lives for the discovery of new music, which he then plays at the maximum volume that his ears can withstand. For Chris, sports are more of an obsession than a hobby, and he has no problem with being that guy that shows up wearing three different New England Patriots clothing items at the same time. He hopes to someday trace back all of his ancestry and turn it into a sort of world trip/self discovery thing. But mostly, he just wants to eat exotic foods.
- Colonel Narwhal
Colonel Narwhal (his real name could not be divulged, so as to protect himself from the nosy) is an average fellow that thinks himself to be quite entertaining and funny, when in reality his attempts at humor are sad and predictable. To compensate he tends to be loud and obnoxious (but hey, who isn’t nowadays?). He has a small circle of close friends who tolerate him and often ask aloud, “Why are we friends with you?” That question never seems to have an answer.
Colonel Narwhal’s hobbies include watching movies and being awesome at most video games. He knows little to nothing about sports, cars, women, and the world in general. His talents include making a mean bowl of buttered noodles and being able to sleep better than a man in a coma.
Oh, and he watches anime. So there is that too.